IntrovertlyBubbly Creative | Behind the scenes

You know when you have all these plans and goals, build a career, perhaps start a family, start a business may be multiple and pen lists of all the things you want to accomplish and experience. Life happens, responsibilities mount and you realize that you may not be fulfilled in some of the simplest aspects of life that you've previously imagined to be some of the easiest and effortless things to accomplish only to experience that you actually suck and those things, the matters of the heart, are actually the hardest things to attain and maintain in today's landscape. 

Your job is fulfilling, you are proud to be working in the only refinery in the country and experiencing great learnings and opportunities on the business side of your creative endeavors.  

And then you... a rhetorical you... wake up one day overwhelmed, with aquaponics business is not as sustainable as you planned. In fact it is the furthest things from being a sustainable business. It is being held together by mint and the almost 4 month old tilapia soon to be ready for harvest. Challenges like the importing seed stock, simple things as the availability of a continuous supply of fish feed from our local feed mill and the labour required to carry out succession planting and maintenance of the system are growing quicker, in an uncontrollable pile, than being surmounted... a walk through the Market the following Sunday reveals that particular vendor is not so happy with you and waiting not so patiently on your business venture that you are partner in to get back to her in a way that meets her expectations.

 

So panicked, you wonder what's all this worth. When all you wish for is the simple things of settling in a modest home with partner, growing family and beautiful friends, what ever you both decide that looks like, complemented by success in your ventures and of those around you sprinkled by the everyday challenges and ups and down that are part of life. Nothing unreal at all. Just the fact that you'd can have your home and step out to your work, where your garden brings in your income and your coffee time and meal time are all part of that plan. Okay something a bit unreal in a different world.

You look for the silver lining and take comfort in the fact that through it all you have learnt the art of saying "No", "This isn't a good fit this year", "Not right now", "I need help".

Continue creating, pivot and communicate. I'll figure out what action if any I am to take with my personal life as I pray as God guides me in the right direction. That I am leaving to him.

While you

be gentle with yourself and move forward”
— my big brother

I have completed reading my book that caught my attention so well and continue playing with and meditating on one particular page. Being a dabbler and following many veins of my curiosity I am in awe of the awareness to life and my surroundings that painting has opened up. 

I am not a painter. In fact I can share how I relate to painting with you in this way:  It's much like with athletics and going back to the days when I was a high jumper but participated and competed in the pentathlon and the 100m hurdles to serve only to improve myself as a high-jumper.

Painting serves as that friction and opposite, to photography, that I am playing with and seeking to finding balance and play with the potential friction and synthesis that this opposites can inspire in my photography practice. 

 

I have chosen paints (currently with my watercolors hoping to move over to oils or acrylics as I am totally interested in the textures of those mediums), on glass because the recurring cost and investment on paper and canvas isn't something I am ready for, photography and comforting note to share like whispers in the wind.

Last year's personal project was by the window this year I want to take that a step further with spreading the peace and calm I feel there by the window in gentle words we, if lucky, hear daily and/or long to hear more of in our day to day lives. 

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